A thank-you note for all the tough bosses who went unloved

It was from my boss, who in turn had got a call from a super-boss. There was a 75-word brief that had appeared in another newspaper that we had missed. It was a regulatory filing that I forgot to check or may have noted but forgot to follow up. And although the call began with a virtual pat on the back for many stories done, my error was raised soon enough. I was directed to follow up on the rival newspaper’s report and reminded to keep track of all regulatory filings on my coverage beat, so that there would be no such “miss” again.

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At that moment, my feelings towards my seniors were not very charitable. In fact, I was downright angry at them for robbing my sense of achievement. Now, many years later, I can make out the lesson that phone call taught me. Pausing to savour a good day’s work meets a need for self-affirmation, but rejoicing for too long on one’s laurels can be detrimental to professional growth. Always be thankful to that senior who appreciates your efforts and success, but also gets you back to ground reality now and then. The boss who has nothing but kudos to offer will probably play a very small role in your career success.

Today, as companies advocate—and, in many cases, simply lip-sync—the need for empathy and a soft approach, a tough boss not only goes under-appreciated, the person may even attract whispers of derision. A tough boss is almost a synonym for a ‘toxic boss.’ However, over time, many of us have realized that a soft boss can also be a weak one, a quiet boss could be a strong one, and a popular boss may be a non-confrontational yes-man to his or her own superiors in the work hierarchy. And a tough boss can very well be the best boss you will ever have.

The initial years of working under a tough boss could be choppy, especially if one is new to the workplace and a young fledgling at that. It is akin to having the scary teacher in kindergarten who scolded you for falling out of line, admonished you for dragging your feet when all you wanted was to be picked up, and made you realize that you were just another child among many. But in later years, you learn to appreciate the scary teacher’s role in that confident gait you developed and how it sets you apart from those who have a sloppy air about them.

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Some of these tough bosses may be frugal in their appreciation and this could gnaw at your self-confidence in an era when validation is so easy to come by (from peer groups on social media, for instance). Why is your boss so stingy with praise? This is a common lament. But what you may not realize is that this may be working better for your career than you realize, particularly where it matters most. Getting an appraisal of your weaknesses and threats alongside your strengths and opportunities is crucial even for individuals in a career context.

Tough bosses may not need to raise their voices if an arched eyebrow is enough to convey their disappointment. Whether or not they act as mentors, they help you learn how to become resilient. From the bosses who were tough on me, I learnt to put forth my views after expunging them of any emotional outpouring or knee-jerk response. Surprisingly, they were not insecure. Instead, they were quick to accept their mistakes as well.

I believe women tend to benefit more from tough bosses than from those who go easy on them. In the corporate world, male bastions are tough to break into and the male boss who lets the woman employee take it easy may be pushing her out of the race. Not out of any animosity, but perhaps because it reflects a gender-unjust assumption of men and women responding differently to work pressure. Gender skews often result in job roles being passed along a trail of male successors on account of a ‘comfort factor.’

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Today, tough bosses are rare. Their names crop up in tales of the ‘good old days’ told to regale new recruits. These refer to times when nobody spoke of a work-life balance and new employees were expected to dedicate the first decade of their careers to hard work. Only after that was anyone taken seriously enough for higher-rank consideration. Bosses nowadays are unlikely to get tough. And that, to me, is a pity. With their sharpness blunted, their attempt to deliver positive reinforcement all around could be a formula for mediocrity.

The few tough bosses who survive are still needed. In fact, their methods could inspire others to toughen up. India Inc needs them for tasks that a soft-touch cannot achieve. Their no-nonsense approach could get the mollycoddled to perform better. Bosses who are too accommodating are over-rated.

The author writes on workplaces and education at Mint.